... constant changes ...

Life is about changes. Life is about adapting to these changes... But sometimes, I truly believe it's easier said than done. Don't get me wrong, I never had a problem with changes, in fact, I thought it was a healthy and exciting process; and I still do think it is. Yet, it's funny how ever since things have changed around me, I'm constantly scared now.

See, my parents are selling the house. Yep, the house that I've lived in for about 14 years now. I knew this was going to happen soon; and I was in a way looking forward to it, so they can finally do what they want to do, and not have to work as much.... But, it is still coming out as a shock for me. I sometimes stare at my room and start getting emotional... So many memories. Although I think I'm handling it pretty well, I am always trying my best to give my full attention to potential buyers that are interested in looking at the house. I really do try my best, despite my mixed emotions.

Then, there's my boyfriend. My very first serious boyfriend... This one is so new to me and so exciting ; but am I scared? Always... Yet, I throw caution to the wind whenever it comes to him. Some of my family don't believe us, I feel as though a lot of them don't respect my relationship with him --- which is why, I feel as though I need to constantly prove to them what him and I are capable of when it comes to our relationship. I feel as though I've changed a lot, but I think for the better, because he makes me want to think for myself and not have to rely so much on what my family says. He makes me want to think positive and not always negative. Do I feel like I need to adjust things ever since he came into my life? Of course, but I know he's adjusting a great deal as well -- so it's only fair that I do so. But do I love him? Undeniably. Am I still scared? Even more....

And don't forget, my career.... Oh dearrr... My career. Oh, where do I start? Do I like it? To be brutally honest, no. Maybe it's because I haven't found my unit/department. Maybe it's because I'm not used to working so hard. I hardly doubt it's the latter. But, I've come to a point when I am seriously thinking about going on a different field. Is that a whole new change? Absolutely. Will my parents kill me? Most likely.
It's kind of scary toying with the idea of leaving the medical field entirely, considering I have an entire family line of it. It's sort of like a safe ground for me; the path that's already paved and smoothed out because someone already went down that road.
Don't get me wrong, I am grateful to be a nurse. I am grateful that I have this degree, and that God has given me this wonderful gift and opportunity. And, I wouldn't give it up entirely. But, I am considering trying the path that was less traveled; just get my feet wet a little bit; at least I have something to fall back on, right? Is it still a little bit risky? Yes --because I wouldn't be choosing what's best for my nursing career at this point, I would be forced to choose what's best in order to go down that different road and succeed.

My decision is not concrete. I have many things to think about first before I really decide this... But for now, I'm just "toying" with the idea. I am keeping it in the back of my head, that this would be another big change for me...